Conflict is never fun, but it’s not always avoidable and dealing with it is a necessary part of maintaining any healthy relationship. For tips on how to best deal with conflicts when they inevitably arise, we spoke with Selective Search Founder and President Barbie Adler. Here’s a look at her expert advice. And please share any tips you may have in the comments!
End toxic relationships: Whether it’s a friendship or somebody you casually date, having constant negativity around will not help you lead the life you want. Knowing when to cut ties with someone who brings constant conflict to your life is imperative. Treat this New Year like a clean slate, erasing all negativity and gaining a clear mind to fill with nothing but positivity.
Don’t be passive aggressive: When addressing conflict, don’t let your immediate response be “I’m fine,” or simply walk away. Remember, the other party most likely wants to get past this as much as you do, whether it’s a significant other, a co-parent, or a friend. Addressing your feelings head on will help you avoid complication further down the line.
Know the facts and the other side of the situation: Conflict can bring out high-strung emotions; so when you react based off a gut feeling, you may make the situation worse. Often times a calm and rational conversation with the other party will bring to light a different perspective or previously unknown facts that can change the entire situation. Listening to both sides of a story with an open mind often resolves most issues without any added stress.
Collect your thoughts and feelings, and be prepared: When you’re getting ready for a big interview or a first date, you’re prepared – you know how you feel, you know what you want, and your mind is clear. You should treat a tough conversation this way too. In all three of these scenarios, there is a lot at stake – a job, a relationship, and resolution. Knowing what you want out of the conversation/resolution will help you structure and navigate your communication.
View this as an opportunity for growth: No matter where conflict may arise, be it from a significant other or a family member, it’s important to see the potential of growth from situations like this. You are both learning how to interact with each other when tensions are high. Regardless of the relationship type, it’s important that you understand how to communicate and interact with the people closest to you. Even the best relationships have a few wrinkles; knowing how to smooth them out is important. Be prepared to be open and honest.