This is a story told by Molly Ringwald on The Moth radio program about her daughter Matilda and their struggle with finding a learning environment that fit with who she is. This story made me cry because it hit home and made me realize that as a parent, our number one job is figuring out how to create a “habitat” that is healthy and happy for our very specific child. And if they aren’t in the right environment, they start to fray at the seams.
I really wanted to share this because as parents, our biggest struggle is figuring out what is best for our child. Standardization is something that is required in order to set public policy but it should not, and cannot in practical terms, be applied to parenting. Which is why picking a school becomes such a huge issue. First of all, anyone who has a choice in choosing a school for their children is considered lucky, myself included. But that fact is depressing and really at the heart of a lot of social issues because how can you standardize human beings? How can your local school randomly be exactly what your child needs?
My 5 year old daughter recently started kindergarten at a private school. This was a tough decision for me because my older daughter goes to a public school that is highly rated and is in fact a great school. But the measurement for “good” is not always the same for everyone and as parents, we know very well that the concept of “good” is very much subjective. Both my daughters went to the same Montessori preschool, my older one thrived and came out prepared for Kindergarten and continues to succeed in school. But my younger daughter was not learning in the same way, information presented to her was not absorbing and retaining which became a huge source of concern for us. Consequently, we began seeking specialist after specialist including fancy doctors like a child neuro-psychologist who gave her an extensive evaluation. We were told that 2 parts of her brain, the cerebellum and the basal ganglia, were not coordinating with each other. We received helpful feedback and practical information on how we can help her and were referred to yet more specialists. All of these doctors and therapists were wonderful and immensely helpful and through a lot of work, she did start to progress and develop.
After all of this, and a lot of bills that our insurance company did not feel were necessary therefore did not cover, our decision was to put her in a private school where she could get individualized attention. The child based learning concept of this school just seemed right and the Kindergarten teacher is the most amazing person on earth, she was born to be a teacher. The class size is charmingly small, 10 students with 2 full time teachers. Every student receives one on one instruction most of the day because they also have subject specific teachers for reading, math, music, PE, drama and science.
After only 3 weeks of school, my child has transformed to become a model student who even won a Good Citizen award last week. I cannot tell you how relieved, happy, ecstatic and reassured I feel. But after only 3 weeks of school, we also realized that her problem wasn’t really a problem at all, all kids have undeveloped brains, that is kind of the definition of a child. The real problem was that the Montessori teaching methodology did not resonate with her, the way information was presented to her did not make sense to her. How silly do I feel that after all that we’ve been through that all she needed was to be put in the environment that suited her.
Molly Ringwald’s story is a metaphor that we can all relate to. She tells a wonderful story that drives the point home with an important message that has sat with me since. You really really must listen. I promise, you will be moved.
