Sporting News

Everybody needs a little sport from time to time. Plain old regular shopping doesn’t count–what we’re talking about here is blue light specials*, bridal gown sample sales, or the annual Barney’s warehouse event. So it was with tingling excitement that I accepted a mission from my good friend and design-conscious New York ex-pat, who was recently transplanted in Portland, Oregon with design and fashion sensibilities intact (but very few satisfactory shopping options, save the well supplied and brilliantly edited Mario’s). The Comme des Garçons collection at H&M was arriving Thursday; could I be her proxy? Comme des Garçons for cheap! They’ll be collector’s items! Oh, to be back in New York!

Another friend, upon hearing my plan to drop by the store on Thursday, looked at me like someone who has been to the front lines of a war. “I have been at every one of those special designer things,” she said, wide-eyed. “The wave of bodies nearly crushed me before the doors opened. Within seven and a half minutes all the merchandise was gone. I saw a salesperson crying. Someone tried to rip my arm off.”

And then, her face took on a rapturous look. “But that Stella McCartney collection was worth it.”

In preparation I watched the video on the H&M website that covered the opening at the Tokyo store. The people had queued up for hours in the rain and once inside, seemed to be weeping with joy. I wasn’t sure I had what it takes but decided to give it a try. (Jump for more!)

My friend e-mailed me an agonized-over list of four items: two men’s sweaters ($59); one assymetrical shirt ($49) and one womens’ shirt ($49). “Cutouts under the armpits probably won’t work on the playground,” she sighed, referring to an exquisitely detailed ruffle- front jacket. Armed with the list, I braved blowing rain, citywide Presidential motorcade-induced traffic and a very tight schedule to get to the store. “You could get there faster from Portland right now,” I told her, finally arriving near lunchtime. Surprisingly there were still garments to be purchased and no one seemed to be bleeding.

It was difficult to orient myself and people were, while not rude, even less concerned with protecting anyone’s personal space than usual. I got body checked at least twice in five minutes, but there were still plenty of goods to go around. There were polka dots

everywhere, plain white shirts, a cute trench. “Could I pull this off?” I called my friend to ask, referring to a black and white polka-dot cardigan. The store’s music blasted so loudly she had to yell back, “You have to style it like they do on the website,” meaning

layered over a polka-dot shirt and under a polka-dot scarf. “Otherwise, it loses its irony.” Irony! A word we haven’t heard since the nineties that nevertheless has never gone, well, out of fashion. I liked the concept but wasn’t sure I could engineer the look.

After about fifteen minutes of mildly flurried collecting, I tried to organize my haul. I found a somewhat quiet corner and began to lay things out to cross-check with my marching orders. “You can’t put things there,” a salesperson brusquely informed me. Fine. I moved them to a garment rack and pushed all the merchandise aside. No one seemed to mind that. But still I couldn’t get things organized and I realized I’d just have to take my chances and buy whatever I had my arms around.

At home I found that I had pretty much satisfied my friend’s list. I also learned that the polka-dot shirt I had grabbed for myself looked simply stupid on me (though maybe if I were a cute Japanese girl–or boy–with amazing style it would have been a different story). The women’s shirts were great, if a bit scratchy, and the men’s sweater

was lovely: narrow, long, made of light and soft wool. Honestly I don’t know what, other than the label, distinguished it from a well-made Gap offering, but I’ll take it on faith that it’s a worthy investment. Then when the full effects of this economic crisis are

being felt and we’re all living in shanties, someone will care enough about this historic and limited edition piece designed by a legendary figure that maybe I’ll be able to trade it for a can of beans. If not, at least it will keep me warm.

*For every one of you who is too young or too… well, rich too know about this, it was a gimmick used by K-mart to encourage bursts of spending at any given time. A blue light would flash; something would be on sale; people would race to get to the designated aisle and stuff the discounted items into their carts; bargains would be had and sales

would be boosted.