Ahoy Ugly!

If you think we’ve cracked the whip too harshly on Isabella Fiore in the past, stand clear of the carnage we are about to do here with her latest great idea for a bag. Yeah, ok, we love Johnny Depp, too, but I also think Brandon Routh is cute so am I going to turn into Shaquille O’Neal and start wearing a big ass Superman “S” on all my shit? Oh wait, did I just give away her next ingenious design, the Mexican whip stitched triangle satchel with a big red “S” embossed into the leather? Let’s get back to the retardo pirate bag because I’m not done. Kudos for the pirate theme authenticity, she really carried it all the way through with the chains on the side, distressed leather and even the buckles on the handles are pirate-y. And oh my god, yes, it does look like a real tattoo!! But unfortunately, I can’t even use this for my pirate Halloween costume because even pirates would find this vulgar and besides, why would pirates need to wear pirate themed stuff when they are already pirates? So that leads me to my next question. What do you wear this with? Because like I just said, you can’t dress up like a pirate and use this bag, so do you walk around with jeans and a t-shirt and look like a raving lunatic instead? If you must know, Bergdorf Goodman has this bag for $675. I need to talk to their buyer. Someone is getting fired.