Oscar Fashion Dis

Sunday’s Oscar fashion can be summed up with one word, pragmatic. I guess black is the new black again. I was so bored, I was hoping that someone might actually fall from tripping on their gown (Jessica Alba and Jennifer Garner). I guess celebrities are finally doing what seems so simple, you know, look in the mirror before you go out. But not everyone avoided my wrath.

Pockets?

So how pragmatic are we talking? How about pockets on gowns to hold lipstick and awkward hands – Sandra Bullock and Amy Adams (her gown even comes with a sunglasses case).

Blushing Bride

It was very practical of Nicole Kidman to do a dress rehearsal for her wedding. It’s important to see how the gown photographs. Verdict: Go with it. You looked amazing!!!

In the Nude

Did Jessica Alba look naked to you? The color of the gown was so close to her skin color it was hard to focus my eyes. I would have loved it in another color.

Poochie

This Givenchy tulle number on Naomi Watts could have been really fabulous, but the fit was so awful. Why is it all bunchy in the middle?

Wrong Season

Reese Witherspoon looked like one of those monochromatic Christmas trees you see at a department store.

Obstructed View

OK, Matt Dillon had the worst seat in the house. He sat behind Charlize Theron! The dude was cursing the whole night and you know he wanted to knock that big ass bow right off of her. Did you see him when Philip Seymour Hoffman was accepting his Oscar? He was squinting, ducking and diving around trying to see past that humongo bow.

If Only This Were the SAG Awards

I see now why Hilary Swank never wears bust revealing gowns. She has major sock boobs, like serious tribal ones. It’s so sad. There is an entire landing strip from her neck to her cleavage, which starts at her belly button. OK, Hilary, go back to wearing backless gowns, we won’t make fun of you for that anymore.

Best Dressed

Best Dressed of the night – Salma Hayek. Although I’m not sure why she was there. And Uma Thurman. Truly fabulous!!